My great aunt once told me, "Just because one is a woman, it does not mean she cannot carry a 50 kg bag of rice on her own. She will just do it differently, and not like a man does at one go. She will take a basket or a bucket, and use that to carry as much rice as she can. If she repeats this three or four times, she will have moved all the rice in the bag to the exact spot she wants the 50 kg bag of rice to be at." I have always felt her narrative has a lot of wisdom to it.
And with today being International Women's Day, I thought I'd write a bit about myself, after all, I am a woman. My thoughts may sound a little incoherent but they are heartfelt.
I was just a baby when my paternal grandmother died. So, my mother and her mother, assorted aunts and great aunts are the women I watched up close as they performed their roles as human beings and as women. I come from a family where the women are incredibly skilled. For instance, both my mother and grandmother can sew, knit, and weave. They could have made careers out of these skills. They are good at gardening, cooking, and other domestic chores traditionally left to women. My mother arranges flowers beautifully, and also makes pretty artificial flowers. And before they got married, my grandmother and her sisters would sing in the church, beautifully, if hearsay is to be believed. I grew up with notions that such skills are fundamental for one to be a complete woman.
But growing up, I realized how different I was from them. I was an utter failure at many of the things they are good at. In fact, the only genuine interest I share with my mother and grandmother might be our love for reading. Both of them are avid readers.
Coming back to me... I am not exactly the most graceful of women. I had a phase where I felt like a failure in a woman's body. I felt unfit to be a woman, but did not feel fit to be a man either. I felt lost between two worlds or two genders because of my perceived notions of what it means to be a woman, or a man.
Today, a lot of that has changed. I am now more confident about myself. I have learnt to embrace my taste - in people, clothes, music, books, movies, and everything else. I once saw a line by somebody which read, "Everything interests me, nothing holds me." Those words stayed with me, because they made sense of the mess I felt I was. Seeing women I am familiar with busy themselves with the same task for several hours at a stretch, or hearing people talk about how passionate they are about something makes me wonder if I have no real passion. And I think I don't. Maybe I'll find my passion someday, maybe I won't.
Most importantly, I am now confident in my identity as a woman. And as a woman, I feel a complete human being. In societies which have patriarchal inclinations, a woman is often considered incomplete if she is unmarried or without a male presence in her life as she is expected to fulfill roles as a wife, as a child bearer and as a home maker. Her significance is unfortunately considered in terms of her ability to perform these roles.
But I refuse to see myself as incomplete, or as a lesser being because I am a woman. I refuse to call myself weak because I cannot lift a 50 kg bag of rice. A woman's strength is not to be measured in terms of a man's strength or ability. I shall do things my way, my woman way. And in doing that, I shall find in me a complete being,
Having said that, I hope to find a man I love enough to marry someday. A man who will cross roads with me in the midst of a heavy traffic because I am terrified of crossing roads. A man who will help fix my technological problems because I can just about switch on and off my phone and laptop. A man who would be willing to work hard, and live frugally so that we may save enough money to go to Old Trafford someday. A man who will understand when I need space. A man who will respect my opinion. And I hope I will be the woman who can be to him what he will be to me.
And in the meantime, I shall celebrate the woman that I am.
And with today being International Women's Day, I thought I'd write a bit about myself, after all, I am a woman. My thoughts may sound a little incoherent but they are heartfelt.
I was just a baby when my paternal grandmother died. So, my mother and her mother, assorted aunts and great aunts are the women I watched up close as they performed their roles as human beings and as women. I come from a family where the women are incredibly skilled. For instance, both my mother and grandmother can sew, knit, and weave. They could have made careers out of these skills. They are good at gardening, cooking, and other domestic chores traditionally left to women. My mother arranges flowers beautifully, and also makes pretty artificial flowers. And before they got married, my grandmother and her sisters would sing in the church, beautifully, if hearsay is to be believed. I grew up with notions that such skills are fundamental for one to be a complete woman.
But growing up, I realized how different I was from them. I was an utter failure at many of the things they are good at. In fact, the only genuine interest I share with my mother and grandmother might be our love for reading. Both of them are avid readers.
Coming back to me... I am not exactly the most graceful of women. I had a phase where I felt like a failure in a woman's body. I felt unfit to be a woman, but did not feel fit to be a man either. I felt lost between two worlds or two genders because of my perceived notions of what it means to be a woman, or a man.
Today, a lot of that has changed. I am now more confident about myself. I have learnt to embrace my taste - in people, clothes, music, books, movies, and everything else. I once saw a line by somebody which read, "Everything interests me, nothing holds me." Those words stayed with me, because they made sense of the mess I felt I was. Seeing women I am familiar with busy themselves with the same task for several hours at a stretch, or hearing people talk about how passionate they are about something makes me wonder if I have no real passion. And I think I don't. Maybe I'll find my passion someday, maybe I won't.
Most importantly, I am now confident in my identity as a woman. And as a woman, I feel a complete human being. In societies which have patriarchal inclinations, a woman is often considered incomplete if she is unmarried or without a male presence in her life as she is expected to fulfill roles as a wife, as a child bearer and as a home maker. Her significance is unfortunately considered in terms of her ability to perform these roles.
But I refuse to see myself as incomplete, or as a lesser being because I am a woman. I refuse to call myself weak because I cannot lift a 50 kg bag of rice. A woman's strength is not to be measured in terms of a man's strength or ability. I shall do things my way, my woman way. And in doing that, I shall find in me a complete being,
Having said that, I hope to find a man I love enough to marry someday. A man who will cross roads with me in the midst of a heavy traffic because I am terrified of crossing roads. A man who will help fix my technological problems because I can just about switch on and off my phone and laptop. A man who would be willing to work hard, and live frugally so that we may save enough money to go to Old Trafford someday. A man who will understand when I need space. A man who will respect my opinion. And I hope I will be the woman who can be to him what he will be to me.
And in the meantime, I shall celebrate the woman that I am.
